All you have to do is recite the poem at your event and accept the plaudits for doing something different, original, and, well, brilliant!
Burns Supper Address
Just look at Lesley – see her jowls
Ower keen tae devour some pair sheep’s bowels
But a’ the whisky Bob could drink
Couldnae diguise that taste, I think!
We really dinnae want tae leave
So hang yer heids in shame
Cos Jura and Isla want tae bide
In grannie’s hielan’ hame!
OK, enough of all this joking,
There’s some stuff we have to say,
About how much we wish you well,
Not only just today
The Laird o’ Stobswell’s now a Farfar loon
Wi’ his best years still tae come
Happy 60th Birthday Bill
Sláinte, and “up yer bum”!
Leaving a Job
And so into my section
The good and the bad and the ugly
A few more drinks, I’ll tell the truth,
And then they won’t sit there so smugly!
Christmas List - from a dog!
I’ve been thinking really hard and though
You might find this quite shocking
I don’t want chews or squeaky toys
This year inside my stocking
For guidance, a 32 line poem printed in a standard size 10 font will generally fit on one side of A4 paper and will take around one minute to read out.