Bespoke Poetry

Aah, speeches... don't cha just love 'em?  Any special occasions coming up?  Are you, or someone you know:

  • Leaving Work?
  • Retiring?
  • Getting Engaged?
  • Getting Married?
  • Best Man?
  • Mother or Father of the Bride or Groom?

Or maybe there's a family birthday or anniversary coming up where you'd like to (or have to!) say something?  Or about another thousand and one possibilities...

If you're the kind of person who loves speaking in public and is confident in delivering a carefully crafted speech then you'll relish any of these opportunities.

BUT... if you're anything like MOST of us, the prospect may fill you with dread!

FEAR NOT... howsabout delivering that speech in rhyme?  Yeah, you thought I was going to offer to come round and do the speech for you, didn't you?  No, but I can write you something shorter, snappier, hopefully funnier, and altogether more entertaining than the same old, same old - A POEM!

Here's how it works...  You decide how long you want to be on your hind legs speaking for and whether you want it funny, cheeky, serious, sentimental or whatever.  Then you let me know some details or funny stories that you'd like included, we agree a price and a timescale then I write the poem and send it to you to practice in front of your mirror.
All you have to do is recite the poem at your event and accept the plaudits for doing something different, original, and, well, brilliant!
Simples!
Oh, and did I mention I'm bilingual?  No, not that, I mean I can write in Scots or English, or a mixture if you prefer - is that trilingual?

Anyway, you'll probably want to see some samples?  No worries, take a gander at these exemplar extracts, he said alliterating on the 'ex', purely to show off...

Burns Supper Address

Just look at Lesley – see her jowls
Ower keen tae devour some pair sheep’s bowels
But a’ the whisky Bob could drink
Couldnae diguise that taste, I think!

Moving House

We really dinnae want tae leave
So hang yer heids in shame
Cos Jura and Isla want tae bide
In grannie’s hielan’ hame!
Wedding

OK, enough of all this joking,
There’s some stuff we have to say,
About how much we wish you well,
Not only just today


Birthday Party

The Laird o’ Stobswell’s now a Farfar loon
Wi’ his best years still tae come
Happy 60th Birthday Bill
Sláinte, and “up yer bum”!
Leaving a Job

And so into my section
The good and the bad and the ugly
A few more drinks, I’ll tell the truth,
And then they won’t sit there so smugly!


Christmas List - from a dog!

I’ve been thinking really hard and though
You might find this quite shocking
I don’t want chews or squeaky toys
This year inside my stocking
"What's this going to cost?", I hear you ask.  Well, it's hard to be too specific as it does depend on how long you want your Bespoke Poem to be and how quickly you want it delivered.  But, with a turnaround of at least three weeks, it's unlikely to break the bank with prices starting from only £50 for an original work of art.

For guidance, a 32 line poem printed in a standard size 10 font will generally fit on one side of A4 paper and will take around one minute to read out.
If that all sounds good, and why wouldn't it, then please click on the tastefully placed button below to see ordering and enquiry details: